Hey guys,
I know everything has been really goofy and upbeat but I had to get this off my chest after reading that Metal Hammer interview. The scrapbook is probably one of the worst and best experiences of my life. I got to read stories from fans from all over the world. For a short amount of time, I was the pillar that people leaned upon so they could get their mourning out. I was able to create something beautiful, meaningful, and helpful but there are things that happened during that time that I really don’t know how to explain. I know I’m going to sound crazy and I know this might not make any sense to anyone but I figured that getting it off my chest may make it a little less intense when I think about it.
There are two specific instences that, to this day, make me almost uncomfortable but comforted at the same time (like I was being guided to continue on the mission of completing the book and then thanked for finishing it).
The first one took place a few weeks into the book. I was so tired of feeling sad but so depressed and tired. I had been reading story after story, unable to really mourn for myself when I went out shopping with a two of my good friends. We had gone off to FYE because it was closing down and we wanted to make the best of it. I grabbed a new copy of City of Evil and went to check out when I saw a tin of Jones Soda Sour Apple Fizzy Candy. I was like “Fuck it, candy fixes everything” and bought it. We all finished up and got into the car. We were driving back and I was chillin’ in the back seat when I finally decided to open the tin. On the bottom of the lid there was a little quote.
“Life is too short for dance lessons” – Jimmy
My heart stopped. Jimmy.
The next was on Valentines day. I was so down and so upset. Shit was weak and I had so many awesome (sarcasm) thoughts going through my head. Jimmy’s death, ex’s, sick friends, family problems. It was like everything just sucked. I was worried about Avenged (as gay as that sounds) and I was just straight up angry. I had spent the night in my friend’s dorm (locked away from my own because I didn’t want to deal with it). No one knew I was there, no one knew I lived Avenged Sevenfold, and my friend didn’t like them (and he was 4 hours away). Finally, I decided to get dressed and head out with my bestie Gabbii to get our minds off of how stupid the day was. I opened the door to the dorm and looked down, staring at me was a picture of Jimmy. Not just ANY picture of Jimmy though… my favorite picture. I grabbed it and cried. I didn’t know what to do and I didn’t know how to react. I had cleaned up all of the scrapbook crap a week before. There was no way any of the pictures could have landed there and I hadn’t even PRINTED it.
I don’t know if he was there with me, helping me help everyone else. I don’t know if he was trying to thank me for trying to comfort his brothers, his fans, and his family. I’d like to think so. I’d like to think that he was saying his final goodbye with that picture. I just don’t know. I couldn’t stop thinking about it today so I figured I would tell you guys.
- Victoria
P.S. Here’s the picture…
